Thanks Seren and Hazel. That's just what I needed to hear! Bloggers (and blog readers) are brilliant!!
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
In the great scheme of things, I really don't care but I do worry that this is really my chimp fooling me into thinking that I'm dieting when in reality it is me playing at dieting.
What to do, what to do?
In the short term, stick with it; drop what I can before Malaysia; try not to gain too much in Malaysia and then re-assess when we get back and I know what the damage is. That's all I can do. That and try not to be led astray by that sneaky chimp in the meantime. Oh, and get out of the habit of grabbing a few chocolates each evening pronto!!
In other news, we've almost finished decorating the second bedroom which is most pleasing. The carpet went down yesterday and looks lush. We have made up the bed but have still to do the nice finishing off things such as hanging pictures and selecting bed linen. We have friends coming to stay over Easter so not a moment too soon.
I can't quite believe we're off to Malaysia in a few short weeks. Unlike most holidays which require minute planning, we're staying with my brother and his wife in KL for most of the time so haven't really done
We are both struggling for summer clothes too so have carved out a day to go shopping which was tricky and which I'm not really looking forward to. Still, needs must and I will be happier having a few nice outfits to wear. I'm intending to shop there of course but doubt Malaysian shops will cater for the larger European lady...it'll be handbag, sunglasses, perfume etc for me I suspect!
Wish me luck with the shopping - I feel as though I'm going for some invasive surgical procedure, that's how little I enjoy it!!
Tuesday, 15 April 2014
I'm on the mend and back at work but by no means fully recovered. The coughing fits are less violent and less frequent is all. As the sunshine is truly epic today and I'm stuck in the office, I'm contemplating going on my first run for 10 days at lunchtime. And I'm genuinely excited about it. It may turn into a walk depending on how my lungs stand up to the pressure but I will be outside and happy regardless.
I'm also contemplating going to a weigh in this evening at which I will definitely register a gain. Booooo. Probably only a lb or so. Annoyingly I'm sure I could manage a STS by my usual class on Thursday but I'm over at my parents then and dont want to miss 2 classes in a row. I'll see how I feel.
Either way, I have not been terribly bad while poorly. A few extra pieces of toast and a few comfort chocs here and there but meals have been okay and the lack of booze probably cancelled out the extra chocs. It has been the enforced lack of exercise which has set me back. Very slow 40 minute dog walks around flat fields (there are a few round here) just don't cut it.
I'm back golfing and running now though so hopefully next week will see me into fresh fat again.
Thursday, 10 April 2014
I hate being poorly. I was just getting into regular running, being good with the eating and going to weigh in and now a week of feeling rubbish has set me back. I have struggled to keep on track this week. I know I should be having a low carb breakfast but somehow toast with chocolate spread seems to be the only thing I want. And that open box of chocs which I have been able to resist without difficulty for a fortnight has grown so that it trips me up every time I leave the kitchen.
I'm resisting a lot but this is not the stellar week I was hoping for. The no exercise regime won't be helping either.
I had to cancel golf. I went to the football on Tuesday evening but it was hard (wasn't going to waste £50 of ticket and coach fare!). Work is piling up and I'm grumpy (you may have noticed?!).
I think the trouble is that, when I'm seated doing nothing, I feel okay (unless I'm having a coughing fit) but as soon as I do anything, I'm shattered. But I'm bored just sitting around so I keep trying to do something then get frustrated......and grumpy.....did I mention the grumpy?!
So, I will spare you more grumpiness and promise to try and be good with the food until I feel better and can get back to running again. I CANNOT wait!
Thursday, 3 April 2014
I've just been to my weigh in and have dropped another half lb taking me to a 2014 total of 9.5lbs. Slow but steady and, considering that I've not really changed a great deal, not a bad result.
The good thing about this week's weigh in was how I got there. I had been meaning to wake up early and go for a short run (25 mins) at 6.30am but, when that time arrived, Rich reset his alarm for another hour and the lure of sleep won for me too. But I knew I couldn't run at lunchtime or this evening so, braving the pollution, I decided to run the 2 miles (up hill) to my class and the 2 miles back. It was tough but I feel great now.
I was thinking as I ran about how proud I am in my battered, solid, fat old body. It isn't too flabby and it's strong and willing and, when I tell it to run 2 miles up hill, it obeys (slowly, mind). And, from time to time, it scrubs up alright. It might not be the most beautiful body in the world but it is the only one I'm ever going to have so I'm not only going to try and make it slimmer, fitter and stronger but I'm also going to appreciate it and love it RIGHT NOW.
After all, who knows when health may be taken away. I've already had new and exciting attacks of gout and conjunctivitis this year and do not want them back, thank you very much!!
Monday, 31 March 2014
I am a silly fool at times. I have a measure of success and then become complacent and forget what I was doing to achieve that measure of success and start allowing little extras to creep back in. I've done it before and now it has happened again. I managed a stay the same last week after a weekend of indulgences and a week of too little deprivation. Even that was lucky to be honest. So I started this week keen to stop that rot but now my pesky body has chosen to retain water.
I woke up this morning, stepped on the scales to see an unhelpful number so gave myself a shake and a metaphorical slap round the chops and vowed to do better for the rest of the week and give myself a chance for a drop come Thursday.
Accordingly, I have been pretty good today. I took the dogs for a run mid morning and felt quite chipper and we had dancing this evening too (that jive is not for the faint-hearted) and I'm presently resisting the lure of toast or biscuits. So, I have hope that my lapse in concentration from last week can be put behind me and I can make some progress before we head off to Malaysia in May. I know I'm not going to be slim but even a few more lbs off will make a difference.
It's strange: you try and comfort others by saying stuff like "it doesn't matter how slowly it comes off" and "you can't fail as long as you don't give up" but somehow you don't apply those phrases to yourself. This thought hit me yesterday morning when I woke early and was mulling over various things in that crack of dawn way one does. There IS no deadline. I haven't "failed". I will have a good time whatever weight I am and I have all year, all next year if I like, to get this sorted. It was a quite liberating thought so I happily fell back to sleep for a nice Sunday lie-in.
Yesterday, Mothers' Day, was a pretty tough day to be honest. Facebook was full of heartfelt, loving wishes to mums and thanks from mums for lovely gifts and treats and several sad but stoical RIPs too. But I feel quite left out. I'm not a mum myself and my own mum, while alive and healthy which is a blessing, barely knows me and certainly doesn't know that she is a mother. I felt guilty because I wasn't there but then realised that she has no idea that it was Mothers'Day and no idea that her children should be there. Then I felt guilty for taking advantage of her dementia to alleviate my guilt. It seemed as though I was cheating and short changing her. But mum was/is the last woman to worry about that sort of thing. She was/is a practical sort of woman who knew she was/is loved and didn't need us to dance attendance on her to prove it.
It's a horrible illness, taking your mum away but leaving her there as a reminder of what you don't have any more. I got quite teary several times yesterday probably because I made the mistake of reading some blogs written by women in similar situations. I suppose I don't find it very upsetting often, and tend to worry more about my father and what he has to cope with so, when I do think about my poor old mum, it tends to hit hard. Richard had a fair bit of cuddling to do yesterday!!
I don't think I'm particularly upset about not having children myself, although I suppose that could have been part of it. I've always thought that I'd have been a decent mother and it was something I wanted to be in the past but I'm pleased that I didn't do it for the wrong reasons with Diarmuid. Rich and I talked about it when we first got together but it seemed as though we would have been rushing into it too early in our relationship and putting too much pressure on too quickly just because we were at "that age".
And now I FEEL too old (and Richard well and truly agrees) and we are happy with our life. I know that some people would go for it at 44 but it's not for us. We're just not desperate enough for children to take on that amount of risk, upheaval and effort. That doesn't mean that I don't have the odd pang - the odd wondering whether I'll regret not have children when we get old (and it's too late). But, I do know that we have made the right decision for us. So it took me a little by surprise that Mother's Day was tough. I'm sure that most of it was sadness for my mum but a little part of it was saying goodbye to the possibility of me being a mum one day. It has been creeping up on me over the last year so I suspect I'll be coming back to the subject from time to time. (Sorry.)
Monday, 24 March 2014
I was struck down with a nasty bout of conjunctivitis out of the blue on Friday. I've never had it before and I was NOT impressed. By Saturday morning my left eye was swollen to epic proportions and gummed shut. Yeeeuch! I bought some cream in Hillsborough before heading to the pub and it started to clear up pretty quickly and has nearly gone now but it wasn't pretty and required a no-make-up weekend. I didn't mind doing the no make up selfie for Cancer Research but wasn't happy about taking it on full time!
Lovely weekend with Richard and good pals. We went to Doncaster for the football on Saturday and it was a good trip out with Richard, Richard The Post and The Other Richard (and Rich's dad). We met in the pub early and then took the tram and train over to Donny, into an Irish pub and then off to the match.
We played like part timers who have not met before. Aaaargh. It is so frustrating. The team had scored 7 goals in its last 2 games and demolished top of the table opposition. So, when we come up against struggling Doncaster Rovers, what do we do? Fall apart, that's what.
As we left the ground, it started to rain. The taxis we had booked were not there. The 2 buses were full and departed without us with no more on the way. The police and stewards we encountered and asked for directions were rude and unhelpful. Did I mention it was cold and chucking it down? It was a 40 minute walk into town. Rich got into a bad mood and took ages to cheer up (which really irritates me). I drank beer I didn't really want.
When we cheered up and thawed out, we had a laugh on the train singing Wednesday songs and caught the connection out to the Valley by a matter of minutes saving us from a 90 minute wait in the station bar (admittedly an excellent pub) drinking yet more beer while wearing soggy jeans. We had fish and chips when we got home and fell asleep on the sofa cuddling while trying to stay awake for Match of the Day.
I woke up on Sunday and the other eye was swollen to epic proportions and gummed tight shut. The house was a tip from the plasterer and we had to spend several hours cleaning, tidying and cooking to get it into a presentable condition.
My parents came over for Sunday lunch bringing over my brother's surplus to requirements lawnmower. We had a lovely time. Dad approved of the house and mum seemed to have fun despite wanting to go home 20 minutes after she got here!
I went off to the final match of the pub quiz season. It was a top of the table clash with us needing not to lose by more than 10 points in order to win the League. We did better - we won the match and the League, retaining the title we won for the first time ever last year. Well chuffed. I know it's only a pub quiz league but it has been really good fun and was very satisfying to win. The guys from the team were some of the most stalwart friends when I left Diarmuid. Where others from the village dropped me from a great height, they stuck by me (and put up with the nastiness when D chucked pints of Guinness all over me) and I'll always remember that.
Some more highs:
Both eyes opened this morning and are nearly better. The scales were kind despite an imperfect weekend. Well, I wasn't really bad apart from the beer and fish and chips but there was not a lot of exercise. The dogs ate Rich's sandwiches so I made some more and me and the dogs ran up to his work and back - about 3 miles. We have dancing this evening.
So the weekend has ended on a high at least and there were definitely more highs than lows which is pretty much all you can ask for isn't it?